So today was officially my first day of healthy living. I ate well and worked my butt off at the gym for an hour. I must say, I do feel better for it as I feel like I could finally be getting somewhere but I still have that niggling feeling in my chest that this will only last so long then I’ll be back to my old binge eating ways before I know it!
It was also day two of my couch to 5k training and I’ve gotta say, I feel like I did so much better this time around even though it’s only my second training session. I think the fact that I was using a treadmill at my gym and I felt slightly better about everything helped.
We’ve got a long walk planned for tomorrow, it’ll take approximately 3 hours there and back. I’m taking a Morrisons counted soup with me which I’m going to share with my partner so we can have lunch on the go. My incentive for this is that I get to have the pizza that’s sitting in my freezer for dinner (it fits in my calories too!)
I’m not gonna lie, trying to be healthy are leading an unhealthy life for so long isn’t easy! There’s so many bad habits I need to break, like eating when I’m bored or saying “I’ll have one more”. I’ve tried my hardest not to do that today and I think I did pretty well!
I hope you enjoyed reading my entry today, I felt good writing it!
So today wasn’t a very good day. To be completely honest, it hasn’t been a good couple of months! I dealt with some grief from losing a loved one a few months ago (4 to be exact) and I’ve been off the rails since.
I’ve not weighed myself since that time but I have made sure to completely stuff my face on a regular basis so I’m dreading what the scales are going to say. It will be weigh day this weekend so I will update you on the damage that has been done.
I’m so obsessed with weight loss these days that it is literally all I ever think about. I cry about it sometimes (a lot of the time). I lost weight before, and I went down to about 10 and a half stone which then was still fat to me but now is my dream. I lost it in an unhealthy manner though, I was exercising for about 3 hours a day and eating barely anything. I was also abusing laxatives on the regular (which I wont lie, I still do occasionally). I know none of this is good for me but in my head I feel like it helps when in reality, it does absolutely nothing for me.
Starting tomorrow, I’m starting new. I’ve said this so many times but I’m going to keep saying it until I say it for the last time and finally get it damned weight of me. I went out and got a few healthy bits today so I have no excuse.
On the plus side, I started couch to 5k yesterday and it absolutely KILLED my legs today! I’m going to continue it tomorrow but at the gym. Wish me luck!!!
My name is Cupcake. No, Cupcake is not my real name but if this is the place where I’m going to be brutally honest about all aspects of my life, then I like the anonymity as I feel it grants me a level of freedom to say what I wish without any judgement as no one will know who I am. If I’m completely honest, I don’t even know who I am.
I’m a 15st something fat girl who just wants to make it in life. I’m depressed, have anxiety and have been told by some health professionals that I have eating disorder tendencies but was just shrugged off by my doctor.
So whats the point of this blog you ask?
I want to lose weight, and what better way to do it than document it in complete honesty online showing my every struggle and battle whilst remaining unseen.
Why do I want to remain anonymous?
Like I said before, I like the freedom I feel. But there is another reason for this, a reason that takes a lot for me to say…
I am ashamed.
I never used to be this size. About 5 years ago, during an unhappy abusive relationship, under eating and over exercising, I went from 14 stone to 10 stone in a matter of months. I know that wasn’t a healthy way to do it, but I felt out of control of everything else, that was the one thing I could control. I felt it was the only way. My obsession and unhealthy thoughts about food are still there, I’m just trying much harder to control them.
I hope you’ll follow me on this journey and if you’re reading this, feeling the same of needing support with anything, I’m here.